Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
