I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
