I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
