I wanna passion pit in your ass
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize