spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize