I wanna bring you to show and tell
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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