She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
