I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
