is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
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