You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
