I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
