The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
