never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
