I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
