I'm going to jail i love you
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
