oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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