Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
