so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
