Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
