he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
