I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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