i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
