What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
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