I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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