saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
