yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
