when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
