I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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