I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I need a burrito and a hug.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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