she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
