Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
