Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
