We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
