Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
