based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
