Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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