1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
