Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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