i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
