You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
