Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
