Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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