she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
