Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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