Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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