I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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