I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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