I think i sorta joined a cult last night
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize