Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
