i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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