just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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