Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize