We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
