OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
