So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
