well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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