I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
