There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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