Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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