So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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