my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
