ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
