i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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