and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
