the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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