Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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