So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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