Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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