there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
