I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize