I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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