I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
