remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
