8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
