So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize