He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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